Imaginary Fights: Pluto Nash vs. Norbit

So, let me first start by saying, happy 4th of July.  Go out and spend it with family and friends (after you finish reading this post, of course). 

It’s been a while since I last visited the world of imaginary fights, and thought now would be as good of a time as any.  Besides after all of the celebration from the 100th post, I just don’t know if I can keep up…

At any rate, an interested match up came to me the other day, and specifically, it’s the battle for the worst Eddie Murphy movie belt.  That’s right, I’m talking about a match between Pluto Nash and Norbit.  It’s a battle for the ages, because no matter who “loses”, everyone wins.  Now, these are pretty terrible movies, so I might need to fill you in on them.

Pluto Nash, was released in 2002, and is often times thought of as one of the worst movies of all times.  Sadly, that last statement was not artistic license, but a complete statement of truth.  It takes place on earth in the future, where a former smuggler (a la Han Solo), is now a nightclub owner, and he is trying to keep his establishment from the space mafia.  (Again, sadly, I’m just stating the facts.)  Strange, Nash is not a witty character, like many of Murphy’s other more creative personalities.  In summation, a boring, flat, character has to struggle through a terrible, cliche plot, with horrendous support acting.  It’s the perfect storm of suck…

Norbit, on the other hand, was released just a short two years ago, and thought of as the movie that cost Eddie Murphy the Oscar for Dream Girls.  This film is a return to some of Murphy’s early movies where he plays multiple characters.  Now, one would think that this would be a great start, but it really just gets things going downhill.  Norbit, who grew up in an orphanage, and loses the love of his life after she is adopted.  He ends of married to a meanier, rejected character from the Klump family, in the Nutty Professor.  When his true love moves back to town, Norbit tries to win back his love, and survive a life with his monstrous bride.

So, the match up is between Pluto Nash and Norbit (the main characters of both).  My question to you, dear reader, is how should this whole thing go down?  Who has the upper hand?  Who has their back against the wall?  Who just plain wants to die?  I’d love to hear your input, prognosticating, and general guess.  Just leave them in the comments, and I’ll post how I think it would go down in a few days.

Until thing, dear reader, stay safe and away from these movies!

Some thought on Geek culture…

Let me start this post, dear reader, by saying that in some way, shape, or form, we are all geeks.  Don’t try to pass off that you were one of the popular kids in school, or you were just a normal person.  If you give either one of those answers one of the two following (and possibly both) must be true:

1. You’re a liar.
2. You live a terribly boring life.

That’s right, we all fall on the geek spectrum.  The question of course is how much so, and how much do we show in public.  Remember, it’s cool to be into music, but you’re a geek when you are completely obsessed with it.  Lots of people are into movies, but when you compare them too much, you’re a geek.  Now, I’m just getting off track…

The interesting thing is to watch the public view of geeks and their culture.  Obviously, there are lots of sub-layers to geek culture, but I believe there are a few over arching truths:

1. It is a compendium, and different geeks are at different levels.  Chances are, the higher you are on the socially acceptable levels the more happy you are that another lower group exists.
2. There is music that is tailored to geek culture, and trust me, it’s not necessarily the main stream crews that you’re thinking about (i.e. They Might Be Giants and Weezer).  I’m talking about groups like the Minibosses or Hill Side of the Darkest Thickets.
3. Most geeks have a society friendly side, and then the side they show with other geeks in their cohort on the compendium.

In the media, we’re seeing the “beautiful geek” as a cliche now.  This is the character that is only slightly less beautiful from their lead counter part, but they are obviously a geek.  Perhaps it’s their glasses that give them away, or there expansive knowledge of a certain topic (a la Jamie Kennedy’s character in Scream).  It has become a glam version of geek culture, but it’s not that at all.

The reality is that geek culture sprung out of the basements of parents houses.  It was from listening to too much music or watching too many movies or reading too many books.  There was definitely a not hanging out in the parking lots on the main drag involved.  (If you grew up and/or lived in a small town, you know exactly what I’m talking about.)

So, I plan on celebrating geek culture with a couple of posts of the next few weeks.  My question to you, dear reader, is this:  What areas of geek culture need celebrating?

Welcome back…

So, dear reader, I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve posted any thing.  What can I say, but life has gotten in the way.  Still, I’m guessing that’s probably true for the vast majority of the people in the world.  Besides, sometimes absences makes the heart grow fonder, and I know that y’all just missed my wonderfully random posts.

So, what’s the reasons that I’ve been away.  I’d love to say that my insomnia has gone away, but it hasn’t.  Ironically, it was all of that extra time being up that got me blogging in the first place.  I’d love to say that some things with my family have been hunky doory, but they haven’t been.

Still, have no fear, I’m sure that these will all be things that I will talk about in the near future.  I’m just happy to back on the horse, so to speak.  Besides, there has been a lot of crazy things  that have gone on in the wonderful world of pop culture during my hiatus, and I definitely want to weigh in on those.

All of that being said, I know, I know, that’s no excuse.  I’m going to get back into posting, I swear.  So watch out dear reader, here comes another run at blogging, Memphis style.

Dante’s Forgotten Circle…

The other night I had the “luxury” of going to see a middle school staging of a musical.  (I’m going to allow a second to take in what I have just written.)  Now, I’ve done my fair share of high school theatre, and even some college.  There is a definite progression along the way.  Well, I learned something about myself that night, but I’ll expand on that more in a little bit.

Before I any further, I need to say that these kids did a great job.  They tried extremely hard, had some humorous scenes, and some well delivered line.  No, instead these kids were victims of circumstance and set up.  I would have to say that not having monitors near the kids was a bad set up.  So, on the back end was the singers were a constant 1/2 a beat behind the pre-recorded music.  There were a few of the main characters who did not sign, but instead spoke their lines in a rhythmic style.  Kudos to the kids because they made it there own.  So, kudos to them for all of their hard work.

Me, on the other hand, who has two degrees in music had some rough patches sitting in the chair.  What I have discovered is that Dante failed to write about the specific 10 circle of hell.  In this circle, it would be me strapped down to a chair forever having to listen to an ever going middle school musical.

A friend of mine told me that her hell would be having to listen to eight year-olds tell her jokes forever.  The mere thought made her want to run out of the room.  This was the first time that I realized that there were circles of hell the Dante’ missed while writing the Inferno.

So, dear reader, my question to you is what is your circle of hell?  What is that thing that would torture you for the rest of eternity? 

So, dear reader, I have a couple of questions  for you (which appears to be my new thing):

1. What is your circle of hell?  What is that thing that would torture you for the rest of eternity? 
2. What would it look/be like?

Well, dear reader, it’s time to let those comments fly, and we’ll see you on the comment board.  And remember, this is not a theological conversation, but just more of an academic conversation about the things that drive us crazy.

What’s the greatest movie of all time?

So, after my Public Service Announcement on Star Wars (the more you know…), I began thinking about the greatest movie of all time.  I should start by saying I watch a lot of movies.  That’s right, I love movies, and I don’t care who knows it.  There have been some great ones, and there have even been a few stinkers that I actually turned off.  You don’t realize how big of a deal that is, but I saw Kung Pow:  Enter the Fist and didn’t leave the theater.  I’ve also seen movies that made me question parts of my life and challenge me to be a better human being.  Still others were the ones that transported you to another place and time, and simply entertained.

As you can tell, I like movies (almost as much as I live music).

So, my question is now posed to you, dear reader.  What is the greatest movie of all time?  What is the film that had a major impact on your life?  Did seeing it give you insight into your own plights?  Or is it the movie that gave you classic line after classic line?

A couple of quick things:

1. Place your answer in the comments.
2. Give the title of the movie and why you think it’s the greatest of all time.
3. This is not limited by genre.  Everything is wide open.
4. There is no such thing as a wrong answer.  (Okay, there might be, but…)

So, let’s see what you think about this stuff.  There are some great movies that I have on my list, but I’m not sure which one is number one.  Let’s hear it, dear reader, what’s the greatest movie of all time?  Be daring, make an argument for a movie that people wouldn’t think of being the Greatest of All Time.

So, I guess I’m not a hipster…

After reading a couple of different blog, articles, etc., it is official:  I’m not a hipster.  I’ll let you decide which of those are the correct definition.   Still, I say this not in sadness, depression, or any such feelings.  Instead, I say this in pride and for the for the sheer fact that I’m more like the average, everyday normal person.

I should start by saying that I’m officially out of the hipster age limit, which seems to be in the 20s.  I should have realized it when the AATS (American Association of Thirty Somethings) sent me my official joining paperwork.  I suppose there is something to be said for aging out of the group.  Besides, being in my 30s is awesome.  I’m still considered young, but I’m not some punk kid.  I’m respected at work, but I’m still not the “creepy guy” at the bar.  There’s a great deal of perks in aging out of this limit.

Probably the biggest reason that I’m not a “hipster” is the simple fact that I like popular, main stream music.  It’s not all that I listen to, but I don’t systematically hate all top 40.  If the truth is known, I love some popular music.  One of my biggest vices is that I love some early 90s pop music (i.e. Ace of Bass).  There, I’ve said it, and I don’t know who knows it.  There is a great feeling about discovering great music, but hating music just because the majority of the populous likes it seems insane.

Additionally, I don’t wear ironic t-shirts or other clothing.  You know the ones, there are ads all over facebook for them.  Don’t act like you’re not on facebook… If you’re reading this right now there’s a good chance that you have a profile.  I guess at some point in time (although it could change on any given Saturday), I just got “grownup” clothes.  Who knew that at some point in time we all want to stop looking like a d-bag.

So here it is, I’m not a hipster.  I’m just a normal, regular, every day guy that likes normal people things.  I’m not addicted to coffee or cigarettes or indie music.  So here’s to being a normal guy…

The Sleep Study (or how I learn how not to sleep…)

So, the other night I had a sleep study done.  The thing that struck me as ironic was the name.  By no means are you meant to sleep during it.  After you’ve read up on the earlier link, let me start you at the beginning to make sense of it.

I got to start and continue the day with no caffeine, which was hard to do.  I mean, not sleeping is why I got this study done to start with, and time me not to drink caffeine is like telling me to go to sleep.  Caffeine has probably been the one thing that has continued to fuel me.  I mean the reason I’m having this test to start with is the fact that I can’t sleep, or at least not when I need to.  Hey, you put me in an afternoon meeting, I could be down in two seconds flat.

I arrived at the center at 8:30 p.m. and having the security guard wish me a good nights sleep.  Upon reflection, I think that it was his own little joke from watching streams of people coming in and leave with little or no sleep.  Once I get in, I’m shown my room, which looks like a hotel room.  So, that was awesome.  I’m not complaining because at least it has a mint and a bottle of water in the room.  I mean, hey, if you have to go through it at least there is a little perk.

I get in and through the bevy of paperwork.  The tech helping me to get set up was laid back, which I appreciate.  Trust, when I get nervous, I start asking questions and laid back works well for me.  So, after 45 minutes, I’m taken back into the room and transformed in to a crappy version of Robocop.  I started to complain after two belts were put around my midsection, but after it was all done, those were the least of my troubles.

I can’t even start to tell you how much junk was taped to my face.  It was like a fell asleep in a fraternity house and was the butt of a joke.  I had something taped near my eyes, two things shoved into each nostril, and had five electrodes all over my body.  None of this takes into account all of the cords and other lines.

Needless to say it sucked, and only got worse.  Personally, I like to sleep on my stomach, which by the way is the one way you can’t sleep.  So, I could lay on my back or side, but not too far on my side.  So, when I got into bed, the tech started talking to me over a mic, and ran me through the ringer of checking the settings.  “Can you close your eyes?”  “Can you point your toes down?”  “Ccan you look to the left and right side?”  “Oops, I didn’t say Simon says….”

After all of that, I could go to sleep.  Which was a challenge, because it’s hard to roll over when you’re hardwired into the Matrix.  Still, I magically fell asleep.  I only remember once the tech coming in to do something, but I’m not gonna lie, I was out of it.

About 4:30 a.m., the mic kicks back on, and I hear “We’re done.”  So, I get my self together, get unplugged, and dragged home.  I can proudly say that I even went to work the next day.  However, I’m not saying I got a lot of work done.

I’ll write in another post of what the outcome of the test was, but it lead to another interesting story.

Did Dave Grohl give the Grammy’s Org/music industry the middle finger?

I caught this last night at the Grammy nomination concert/corporate whoring.  It may just be me, but it was seem that singing a song about a person who thinks that everyhing is about them to group of people /industry that think everything is about them.  I’m telling you, they are giving them the middle finger (or at least musically so).

If you caught and kept watching, Dave made faces between announcing different groups and duos.  The best was the sudo-southern accent that he read the country nominations.   Finally, he ended it was saying that the true honor was just being nominated.

I’m just saying that Dave Grohl was on the cover of a corporate music magazine with their front person wearing a shirt that says corporate rock muisc magazines sucked.  It would not seem that all of these actions would be a far stretch.

What are y’all’s thoughts?

So the warranty just ran out…

Ever had that piece of electronics, car, etc. that you just loved, and right after the warranty ran out it fell apart?  The more time that goes on it seems clear that we all come with a warranty on our bodies and mine just ran out.  All my life I thought that I was a pretty health guy.  I mean, I was never real sick as a  kid, and I was even a big enough dork that I got perfect attendance my senior year of high school.  (thanks mom…)  However, when I turned 25, this all seemed to change.  I went from a pretty health individual to one who seemed to spend all of the time with medical professionals.  It was that year that it seemed like I discovered I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, a bad back, and appearantly bad teeth (four fillings and a root canal later).  Well, I guess the bad teeth could just be my dentist trying to pay for a new addition on their house.  So, bye bye warranty.

So after the year of “get to know your doctor”, it seemed like I turned a corner.  I was a little older and wiser.  Now, here I am five years later, and it’s all happening again.  The problems are the different, but it’s the same “formula”.   Now it’s things like wisdom teeth (that’s right, I made it to 30 without taking  them out), not sleeping, and bad teeth.  So, either my dentist is trying to make up for the economy or I really do have bad teeth.  For the record, the not sleeping thing is the worst.  It’s like your never really awake or asleep.  I still can’t fathom how my wife can just fall asleep in 5 minutes after closing her eyes.  However, I should say that during these times of not sleeping are when I catch up on everything in the world.

Why is it that all these things happen at the same time?  Sure, I could eat better, exercise, and not kick puppies.   Alright, two of that list a probably true, and no, I don’t kick puppies.  Still, it seems like every five years, it all falls apart.  I’ve really gotta start taking care of myself.  Well, tonight I’m off to do a sleep study.  So, I’ll have to let you know how all of it ends up…

An open letter to corporate radio stations…

Dear Corporate Radio Stations,

I am writing to you today to inform you that you have jumped the shark.  That’s right, in today’s mass media, instant information world you are no longer relevant.  No one cares, no one’s listening.  Your time has come and gone, and now you are outdated.  Oh course, I’m sure that you can find this somewhere on the internet.

Your ultimate demise is not brought on because of obvious things like satellite radio, but instead because of your sheer persistence to suck.  If there was only time enough, we could list all of the ways that you continually suck.  For starters, you have your same 40 or 50 songs that you play repeatedly.  These are the hit songs of today, and everyone “loves” them.  In reality, the songs that the record companies are pushing you to play, and the corporate whores that you are do it.  We all know how hard that whoever is “tearing up the charts” because you play them every hour on the hour.  In fact, they are played so much until we hear those same 40 songs in our sleep.  The same songs, that regardless of genre, are basically the same song.

Additionally, every station you have has your “zany” radio personalities, with their big name and their crazy gimmick.  In the end, their all just horrible carbon copies of the same person.  Sure names might be different, but everyone has their three crew group, like “Mad Dog, Rufus, and Your Mom”.  And of course they are all going to promise to rock our ways into/out of work, and always play the “continuous hits” (please see point one).

It seems odd that you might have the opportunity to do some cutting edge, limit pushing things.  Instead, everything is vanilla and pre-scripted.  So, now is your chance.  Do something great, break the mold.  I tell you all of this in hopes of making you aware of the problem, but I’m sure Mad Dog, Rufus, and Your Mom have already informed you.