When we last left off, dear reader, we were discuss who would win the belt for the worst Eddie Murphy movie of all time, Pluto Nash or Norbit. Sadly, I have really given some thought to these two characters, and I can most assuredly say that it is time that I will never get back.
Pluto Nash
In a straight physical comparison, the two are evenly matched (because let’s face it, they’re played by the same actor). However, Pluto Nash is the early favorite, being from the future and having access to better technology. One such thing would be a standard “sci-fi ray gun.” This appears to put Norbit at a much greater disadvantage. Additionally, he has been on the run from the mafia (albeit a terrible, terrible space mafia, a mafia non the less). This running will serve him if there is anything that he will need to tuck tail and run from.
Working against Nash would be the fact that he has been residing on the moon, and one would imagine that t he decreased gravity would play a factor in his moving. Most likely, he would be moving slower than usual, and at a definite speed disadvantage. The other x-factor working against Nash would be that there are a large number of people out to get him. For this, I’m not talking about the mob, but instead movie executives. You don’t bomb a $100 million dollar movie, and not expect to make some enemies.
Norbit
In favor of Norbit, is the sheer and simple fact that he has lived an incredibly difficult life, and has been married to a monster of a woman. Any living being that can survive that kind of life has got to be tough in some way, shape, or form. Not to mention that he was surrounded by a terrible supporting cast, leaving himself (and his wife) to carry everything else. I’m giving Norbit the cockroach factor due to the fact that it will take a lot to bring him down. Norbit as has the taste of success working for him. Unlike Pluto Nash, his film made over $160 million, and even though it has been panned by critics, that’s still a lot of money.
In the negative column for Norbit is the fact that he is not perceptive (at all). If he couldn’t pick up on the fact that his own brother-in-laws were running an extortion ring, I’m pretty sure that he would miss a lot of the subtle clues and points during the fight. Additionally, his wife, Rasputia has been him into submission for many years. This could make him slow to anger and striking.
The Fight
In the beginning, there is a great deal of just circling. You would imagine that both are sizing each other up, but in reality neither are that creative. Instead, that are just going around in a circle trying to figure out what to do next. It’s Norbit who strikes first by throwing a puppet at Pluto Nash, which does little to no damage to him. However, Nash is intrigued to see such an antique that he miss Norbit coming in with one of his college text book and hitting him over the head.
Nash, is dazed, but only for a second. He quickly gets back up on his feet and pulls out the ray gun. Nash, with no real sense of creativity plays with Norbit for a while, making him dance while he shots at his feet. This does not demoralize Norbit, who as had far worse done to him. When Nash seems to get bored with the game it appears that this would be the end for Norbit. However, that’s when a huge shrieking sound is heard and the sun is darkened out.
The Outcome
When the dust settles, both men are laying on the ground in a crumpled mass of flesh, organs, and bone. Atop of the pile sits Rasputia, who was sure that Norbit was cheating on her with Pluo Nash, and someone was going to pay for it. It takes the judges a few minutes to make a decision.
The Winners (and Losers)
Since both men are dead, there seems to not be a clear cut winner. That is until you consider the fact that Eddie Murphy played both (all three) of these characters, got paid for it, and took some of your well earned money. Not only that, but to understand this fight, you had to see both of these movies. So, the winner: Eddie Murphy. The loser: anyone who saw both of these films.
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